our eternal summer shall not fade
2004-01-26

For Kakti, Yoi, Aman, Ina & Adi

You know that region between your stomach and your throat? The one you imagine where your heart is?
Well, I felt like it grew very, very small very, very quickly as I read my sister�s newest post.

I just realized that I am missing the last few years of childhood the family has in store.

I promised my youngest sister Ina that I would be sending her a gift since she did very well in her PMR exams last year. I have been stumped for two weeks because all I could think of were gifts fit for a ten year old.
My elder sister said it right. Ina will always be ten years old to me, too.

That saddens me, because I know she�s not ten now, and she would be even older the next time I see her.

All I can think of now are my sisters and brothers, all so different from each other, and how much I love them. I hate that I need to be so far away to feel so close to them. I hate that I wasted the last holidays by not spending time with them.

I miss those times when all six of us would just sit at that ugly round table in the kitchen, each trying to make the others laugh by telling the most outrageous stories. Our aunt, woken by the uncontrolled laughing would hush us down, and we would, but only for a minute or two.

I want to be Kakdah again, the funny, angry sister, and not Idaman, the angry, not-so-funny person.

I want our summer to be eternal.