bye bro
Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003

I hugged my brother close today, to the hoots and catcalls of his friends.

My Jackie O sunshades did their job well, hiding the tears that threatened to fall.
I had to clear my throat twice, because suddenly it felt like the words were too big and it hurt to talk.

The realization that he would be less a boy and more a man the next time I'll see him hurt something awful.

In three days he will be seventeen.
I will, once again, miss his birthday.

We have never been close, but today I felt miserable, hugging this boy-man tight under the harsh evening sunlight, trying to tell him I love him, trying to say goodbye, but nothing came out except half suppressed sobs.