and lead us not into temptation...
Monday, Aug. 11, 2003

Flashback: Los Angeles, October 2002

The night is young, the car is fast, and the attraction electric.
He is charming, she is unabashedly cheerful.
It has been a while since she felt this way, this happy.

Her smile faded as she senses a slight touch on her knee.

She looks out the window, trying to think, to make sense of the gamut of emotions that had suddenly crashed down on her.
His fingers linger at her knees, drawing lazy circles as she angrily blinks back unexpected tears.

He glances at her, his pale eyes searching the dark pools that are hers. She shuns his gaze, and seeks solace in the stars.
She could feel her cheeks burning up, her heart racing.

She moved away from his touch and his fingers withdrew in a blur, as if burned. He sighs, and stares straight ahead, at the hypnotic streams of light on the freeway.

�Is that not okay?�

A heavy, pregnant pause.

�No, it�s okay.�

He is quiet for a while, and she plays with her hands.

�You�re thinking of him?�

She looks at him, and keeps her silence, and he understands.

�I�m sorry.�

Suddenly she is angry, at herself, at the situation she is in, at her choices.
She is glad that he wants her. She is mad that he wants her.

She misses him, but he is too far away to keep her warm in the chilly, lonely nights.
She loves him, but it is this �great American boy-man� in front of her that she wants.

Damn the consequences.

�Hey.�

�Yeah?�

She took his hand off of the stick shift, and holds it tight.

"We're friends, right?"

He looks at her, smiles, and returns her squeeze.

�You are so beautiful.�

She smiles at him and turns away, as bittersweet tears leave damp trails on her cheeks.